The Choice for Trust

They were deep thoughts—deeper than I was prepared to process at six in the morning. The thought that hit me first regarded the first few chapters of Genesis. We are told there that we are made in God’s image. If that is really so, I thought, why do we treat each other in the ways that we do? Why are we self absorbed? Why are we disinterested in others and only really interested in what serves us? Why are we sad and depressed? Why are we negative in any way? If we are made in God’s image, why don’t we act like God?

Then I realized that maybe this was precisely what God originally intended but as we are wont to do, we failed God and forced him to resort to plan b.

The Genesis chapters turn to the story of “the fall” as it has been termed. Adam and Eve, the so-called first people, take and eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. This is the one tree that God had deemed off limits but curiosity got the best of them. I realized what a great story this was that the Hebrew writers used to illustrate why we aren’t like God. We are gifted with the ability to know things! It is our knowledge that gets in the way. We are able to remember. We remember how people hurt us in the day before and we file those hurts away in our brains. Some of us store them as ammunition and come loaded to our relationships so that when someone crosses the limits of our hurts, we can let them have it. Some of us internalize them and allow the hurts to pile up in negative thoughts that lead us to depressive places. But, God doesn’t remember. He lets us start over every day with a new slate of promises. Why can we not do that for ourselves and for others? Why can we not let every moment and every person just be as they are?

You have heard people say, “You are too smart for your own good,” or “Wow, I outsmarted myself!” I realized on this early morning that I have lived those phrases. All of that knowledge of mine has caused me to think, on more occasions than I’d like to admit, that I somehow know better than God. In so thinking, it has caused me to fail to embrace true trust!

True trust is like the alcoholic who rises from bed daily not knowing if he has it in him to make it through the day but putting the ability to do so in God’s hands. True trust is the addict who can hold on to the memories of how great that last high was and yet also remember and know that life is better and more free when not clouded by a drug. True trust is the sinner that can take the memories of all of the hurts of the past and let them go, knowing with hope that love will somehow pave the way.

The Biblical narrative is filled with stories of those who held to memories and knowledge and ultimately failed to believe contrasted with stories of those who held to memories and hope and ultimately chose to believe. Gideon was given promise after promise and sign after sign but “was too smart for his own good” and never believed until God’s promise came to fulfillment and in the next go round he seemed to forget how God had provided for him.

God wants goodness for us. Yet, we get in the way of that goodness when we forget God’s promises or when we focus on all of the things that have gone wrong in the past and believe that because the thing we hope for hasn’t occurred yet, it never will. Such doubt is not from God. God asks us to have hope and to believe that goodness will come to us no matter what. God asks us to celebrate the knowledge that we have and then have the courage to set it aside so that we don’t outsmart ourselves but simply let God work instead. Isn’t that the wisdom of life—deciding that we want God to be in control and then letting God work? The choice for trust must be the place of peace. I hope for peace and trust for us all. Amen.

Love & Judgment

The smiles on their faces and the tears in their eyes as they spoke sincere words of commitment to one another were holy to observe. The couple had dated for years. This was the husband's first marriage and the wife's third. She had been hurt so many times before that she had sworn marriage would never be in her future. But what is that they say? Never say never! She found this wonderful man who had asked her several times to marry him and now at 32 weeks pregnant they were vowing to be together for a lifetime. Knowing the two and witnessing the love and acceptance between them I know that they will.

In our culture--especially the Christian culture--there are many who would have judged this couple. Comments would have swirled about them and probably did. As I looked at the family around them there was only excitement and joy and love for this couple and for their forthcoming daughter.

I couldn't help but think about the relationship between love and judgment. Can you really have love if you have judgment? Judgment suggests that there is a right and a wrong. If we are judging each other then you are on one side of an argument and I am on the other. Does that not suggest that we aren't accepting each other? Don't we have to accept each other in order to love?

I know that old saying that was popular in religious circles when I was growing up, "Hate the sin and love the sinner", but I wonder if it's really that easy to compartmentalize the things. When I am judged I do not feel loved so maybe it's just me that can't compartmentalize. The more I think about it the more I think that love in its true sense cannot exist in the presence of judgment.

I Corinthians13 as interpreted in The Message translation says that "love cares more for others than for self, . . . (that it) always looks for the best . . ." Wouldn't that suggest that judgment can't survive in the face of love?

I don't know how you define love or judgment. I don't know how they intersect for you but I knew at the wedding of my friends that love was swirling around us all. I felt in the acceptance that was palpable in the energies between us all. It filled my spirit and brought peace and joy.

The scripture says that love "keeps going to the end." I know that will happen for my friends and know that when I learn to sacrifice judgments, I too, will know it to the end. Thank you to all of you who have loved me without judgment. I hope that from this point forward that can be my offering to you.

May love go on for each of us to the end! Amen and amen.

Courage Changes Everything

Courage changes everything.

As he stood before hundreds of people and spoke to them about truths he held close to his heart and lessons that he had learned in his short life experienceLuke Russert had to know that courage changes everything. Luke Russert was 24 years of age when he gave his first college commencement address at Wingate University just a couple of weeks ago. I sat in the front row reflecting on my year of life when I was 24, wondering if I could have had the courage or skill at that age to do what he was doing. My answer was a resounding no!

Courage is an amazing tool if we can claim it. It empowers us to face things we never thought we we would be privileged to face. In Luke's case, courage gave him the ability to offer his first commencement address! It empowers us to be able to face things we never thought we'd have to face. In Luke's case, courage gave him the ability to face publicly the death of his father just two years ago. You may recall, that Tim Russert (former host of NBC's 'Meet the Press'), Luke's father, passed away suddenly from heart complications as Luke and his mother were continuing a family vacation in Europe. He had to have learned in those grief-stricken days, how courage changes everything.

On that day at Wingate University, another brave soul stood before those who were congregated to celebrate the academic success of so many. Rick Hendrick is his name. You may know that Rick has had some challenges in his life but courage has catapulted him. He faced some jail time years ago for some poor decision making on his part, but courage saw him through those tough days. He and his family faced the death of ten of the Hendrick family members (both physically related and business related family) in a plane crash just a few years ago. Courage saw them through those dark times.

Courage may well be what has taken Luke toward the unfolding of his own path as an NBC correspondent. I have no doubt that courage is what has brought about the humility that is unmistakable in Rick Hendrick and empowered him to send plane loads of assistance to the Haitian people amid their recent earthquake.

Courage changes everything. There is an institute called the Virtues in Action Institute whose mission it is to educate others on human strengths as broken down into six categories. Courage is one of those. The VIA subdivides courage into four other categories suggesting that it is bravery is that kind of courage that allows us to do what needs to be done in the face of fear, that perseverance is the component of courage that allows us to keep pushing forward in the face of resistance, that honesty is the form of courage that allows us to practice such integrity that we are able to be true to ourselves in the face of fear and that zest or vitality is that part of courage that helps us face the physical pains of life.

We all seem to have variations on courage relative to our experiences. Many have been the theologians who have proffered their two cents worth on the topic but I am particularly enamored with what the Tao De Ching says of courage. It stems from love because love is what causes the ability to be brave.

I know not what fears, challenges, hardships and ambitions that you face, but I know one thing . . . I watched in Luke . . . I saw it Rick . . . I have learned the lesson in my own ways . . . Courage changes everything!

May courage be ours today! Amen.

Claiming Strength . . . and So I Write!

He gave a wonderful speech. He told of the trials of learning in his late 50s that his company was moving to Omaha, Nebraska and realizing that he was going to have to redefine his life if he wanted to stay near Charlotte. He had always wanted to write a book but everyone told him that he couldn't do it. He knew he could and over the course of three and half years he defied anyone to say otherwise. Few believed in him, but he chose to claim the strength to move forward. As Dave Spohn, author of Trumped in Charlotte, ended his speech, he looked straight at me and said, "Blythe, there is no such thing as writer's block!"

Ouch! Somehow I knew that he was going to say that but he did manage to catch me off guard. I haven't written anything in two months. I have felt blocked, spiritually weak, in a holding pattern with little to say and certainly nothing with any profundity. So why bother? Why waste anyone's precious time reading something that has little to communicate?

Have you ever felt that way? As if nothing is moving forward. Life just is. It isn't exciting but it isn't unexciting either. It just seems on an even plane--no risk taking necessary but no challenges either. You are learning but nothing earth shaking--just the same old lessons that you never seem to get right the first time so the opportunities to practice learning just keep coming and you wonder when you will ever get the lesson right! Life is routine. Life just is.

There was something forceful and eye opening in his words as they echoed in my memory, "Blythe, there is no such thing as writer's block!" I realized that I had to move forward and just do it. The scripture speaks again and again the phrase, "Be strong and courageous." It was as if those were Dave's words to me. "Blythe, be strong and courageous."

The dictionary defines strength as mental power, force or vigor. Many were the times that God exhorted believers to go forward in force and vigor knowing that even though what they were about to attempt appeared totally illogical, God would equip them with the strength to accomplish.

Last year this time, I was frantic in my preparations for leaving my job as a minister. I was excited. I was taking a leap of faith that didn't make a lot of logical sense to others but like Spohn I knew that I could do this. I knew this was the path God had for me. Questions wafted my way: "What are you going to do? How are you going to live?" I could not buy into the doubt I heard in the questions. My response was always the same, "I don't know, God will take care of it." And God did. God gave me the same strength that he gave Dave to move forward toward his dream.

Dave's words called me to claim that strength again. They reminded me that we have the choice to view life from a "life just is" perspective or we can claim every moment with a "Life is!" perspective. Do you hear the difference? The first perspective is a go along to get along mentality and the second chooses to find verve in the seemingly mundane moment knowing that life is unfolding as it should, that the holding patterns are simply part of the construct of a greater plan to which we may not be privy but one that we are called to trust.

Maybe that is the great lesson--learning to claim strength enough to trust every moment to God's care and in so doing to discover that every moment of life is . . . and it is fabulous because God is with us, working for us!

In the mundane routine places of this day, I pray that we will each find the strength to trust God's way and celebrate that life is! Amen.

Face to Face

It is my custom to study a chapter of the Bible every week and I am making my way ever so slowly through the book of II Kings. This week, in chapter 14, as I learned how King Amaziah of Judah challenged King Joash of Israel to battle, I was struck by a particular phrase. "Come meet me face to face."

For Amaziah it was a great dare to Joash. Come meet me face to face, if you dare. It was to flaunt his recent victories before his enemy and to hint to him that he would handily defeat him should they face off.

I began to think about the things with which we come face to face. There are our enemies but we have our military defenders to thank that we don't have to run the risk personally of such confrontation. There are fears of all sorts--some we allow to rule our lives and some we are willing to face. Of course, we have our personal enemies but those are really unnecessary if we figure ourselves true Christians.

And yet, I have to think that really being a true Christian must be a rare thing for it would have to mean that we are willing to be face to face with God. If we are face to face with God there has to be nothing that we hide from God. We have to be willing to seek God in every moment of joy and every moment of deepest sorrow or failure. We are skilled at seeking God in the difficult moments but equally as skilled at self-reliance in the easy times. It would mean that we would have to receive the fullness of God's love and that we would live with such peace and joy that it would astound us.

I wonder if the true test of our vulnerability to God is not seen in how we relate to others. Some of us and maybe even many of us hide parts of ourselves from others. I have a friend who has done this since she was in middle school. She never fully lets anyone into her life--not her friends, not her family and yet in some ways she seems to be an open book with those she wouldn't consider close. She waves people close with one hand and pushes them away with the other. She leaves them confused. She has so many friends they are innumerable and yet she feels as if she has no one. She longs to be loved and yet she cannot allow herself to accept the love that swirls about her from others. She leaves herself confused. She cannot come face to face with others, with God or even with herself.

In the hearing of King Amaziah's words, King Joash refused to face Amaziah. Instead he sent back a riddle of sorts. I think my friend did just that--refused to face herself and told herself her own riddle. I think we must do the same thing to God. God offers us simple words, "Come meet me face to face." We take it as a challenge and respond as Joash--with resistance and cryptic responses. If we heard rightly, though, we would realize that the words aren't the challenge of an enemy but the invitation of a lover.

They are an invitation to allow ourselves to be seen and to see God truly. They are an invitation to see the depth of color in another's eyes and look deeply and unselfishly into that soul. They are an invitation to come face to face with the intimate lines of another life.

In those words, come meet me face to face, is not challenge but an invitation to live and give love but also to trustingly receive it. Being face to face in love must be the test of a true Christian, so may we this day seek to live and be face to face with God and with each other. Amen.

Knowing God

A friend of mine has been under the weather of late--for several days in fact. In the midst of her illness she said to me that she believed God had meant for her to be sick--that He needed to stop her in her tracks. She hadn't been praying like she usually does and she believed that God wanted her to take time to pray for certain people in her life. As she recounted this to me, I suppose the expression on my face must have revealed judgmentalism. She said, "I know you don't believe that but . . ." What she didn't know was that I was thinking, "It doesn't matter what I believe. What matters is what she believes. What she believes is what serves her. What she believes is what serves her relationship with God."

In chapter 13 of II Kings, there is a story of two prophets. One hears a message from God and believes that he is to risk his life and go confront the king over some matters. He does so and I imagine that he must have felt a great deal of pride and accomplishment. He is then approached by another prophet who tells the first one that God has changed the plan and reports a new scenario. The first prophet chooses to believe what the second prophet has said instead of following through on the final details of God's original direction. The result is that the first prophet meets his death. Had he listened to what he knew was right for him, he might well have lived a little longer.

Some years ago, a friend came to me troubled about her nephew who was really near death. She didn't know what to do about him or for him and she asked me what she should do. I looked at her and said, "Pray for a miracle. Miracles happen every day. They are just what God does daily." I covenanted to pray with her and over the months we watched her nephew, our miracle, heal completely. So in December, when I found myself longing for my own miracle, I began to pray. I reminded God of what he had done for the young man and told God that if he could do that for him, I was pretty sure that God could provide the miracle that I desired. As I drove down the road, praying this very personal prayer tears streamed down my face. I concluded the prayer and immediately a blue chevrolet pulled off of the ramp onto the highway in front of me. Its license plate read, "Miracle 9." I laughed out loud and felt that God had just promised me, in God's time, the fulfillment of my miracle just as I had requested it.

When I recounted the story to my friend, I told her specifically what I prayed for and I could tell on her face that she did not believe that what I prayed for was right. In her eyes, I should have prayed for whatever God wanted rather than the specific thing that I desired.

My friend and I may not see eye to eye about our interpretations of God, but we each would do well to learn of the prophets. We each understand God in our own ways. Her way would not be right for me and my way would not be right for her but granting each other the right to know God in the way we each do speaks to an appreciation of the other person. It speaks to an understanding that there is not just one way to know or communicate with God. It speaks to the fact that God's ways are so much greater than we can comprehend. It speaks to the fact that as humans we need not be so focused on right or wrong, we need be focused on accepting each other with all of our differences and therein rests the gift of love.

You may well know God in ways that neither my friend nor I can understand. I hope for each of us that we have a means of seeking God, knowing God and choosing to walk in the way of personal relationship with God for therein we find life!

On Lent

A student from Maryland recently recounted to me the struggles that her family was facing. Her siblings have been out of school for a week now--no doubt driving her mother crazy--due to the snow days in Maryland. Snow literally covered the entire height of cars! I can't imagine such a scene much less having to live with that.

I've heard so many people say of late how they are ready for the snow to just go away and I can only imagine the more snow one has had the more magnified that sentiment!

This week we began the season of Lent. Lent reminds me of that readiness for the dissipation of snow. It brings sacrifice and darkness of the soul that we just wish would go away!

Somewhere around 100 AD Christians began to realize the need to prepare their hearts for the resurrection day of Easter. To do so, they realized that they needed to observe the same or similiar sorts of sacrifice that the darks days leading up to Passover in Jesus' life represented. They needed to experience sacrifice or at least something of the sacrifice that God in Christ was making when he gave his son's life. This is what Lent is about. This is that sense of being overcome by dreariness and the woes of life. This is that wrestling over the things we know are coming but cannot yet see. This is that wilderness when we know not what God is doing but we are called to step out in faith and trust.

I'd just assume experience joy and happiness all of the time! I realize that even in sad and trying moments I can choose joy. Still, Lent reminds us that we really can't appreciate the joys and blessings of life if we can't at least understand something of the sadness and suffering that can occur.

I've always thought of Lent as an invitation. It is an invitation for us to be grateful for the cold and snowy winters of our lives (whether literally or figuratively) for in their gift we realize the value of the warm and wonderful springs and summers of flourishing that happen in our lives.

Whatever wintry experiences of life are yours this day, know that Lent is the call to remember that God is at work and wonders ARE forthcoming! Thanks be to God for the wonders that are ours! Amen.

On Friendship

The Scripture tells us that a friend loves at all times . . . .Some of you know that I have a most adorable little niece who in a matter of weeks will turn two years old. So hard to believe! This week my mother recounted to me a story about Isabella. My sister had taken Izzy to the grocery store. So imagine the scene. A little curly brown haired girl sitting in that little grocery cart basket likely swinging her legs as her mother examines the goods on the shelf. All of a sudden a tiny voice from across the room yells out, "Itabella!" Immediately, Izzy throws out her arms and yells out in response "A-dah!"

It turns out that Ada is in the preschool class ahead of Isabella's class. They had made friends at school and I realized that this is the first friend that Isabella has had of her own choosing. All of her other friends are the children of her parents' friends. I realized that in that shouting to each other over a vast grocery store, two little people began to live that scriptural lesson . . . a friend loves at all times.

My youngest sister when she was just older than Isabella developed a friendship with a neighbor of the same age. Amanda was often at our house and I always found myself jealous at their closeness. They went separate ways as they graduated from high school but they never lost touch. Amanda, who is now 28 years of age, has melanoma that has metasticized over her body. In November she was given two months to live. She is under 24 hour care now. She and my sister have prayed together throughout this ordeal and are tied together even still. A friend loves at all times . . . .

Throughout the fall, I found myself not feeling like myself. My behavior was not what it should have been and my emotions were all over the place. I couldn't understand why I was acting the way I was nor could I articulate that I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I just knew that I didn't feel like myself and I couldn't control it. I blamed it on the stress of an upside down life. I blamed it on anything that I could. I made life difficult for those I loved and for those who bring the most enjoyment to my life, I created anxiety for them. When we discovered that it was a physical problem easily amended with drugs for a short period, I regained my old self. The people that loved me and whom I had pushed away showed themselves true friends by sticking with me. A friend loves at all times . . ..

Recently, someone recounted to me the story of a rift in a relationship. The person's friend had just stopped communicating with them for no apparent reason. When the person tried to find out why and make amends, there was still no response. The person was distraught about it and concerned about the drama being created. Yet, through it all the person had simply continued to be a friend. The situation is not resolved but . . . a friend loves at all times.

That phrase that a friend loves at all times seems the best advice I know for our living and being in the world. It teaches us not to let relationships be threatened by failures of others in communication, by our own failures or even by the threat of death. The simple lesson of friendship is that it goes on eternally because a friend loves at all times.

Isabella and Ada are only two years old but they know this already at some level because they are living it and stand as a challenge to us to do the same. A friend loves at all times. May we prove ourselves as true friends! Amen.

An equation for Peace

Imagine it . . . a place where there was no one at war . . . a place where government leadership didn't fight against itself but worked together purposefully . . . a place where parents could advise their children and know that the child would listen, hear and then make their own informed decision rather than shutting the parents out . . .. Imagine a place where families understood each other and could not only communicate about their differences but really appreciate them. Imagine a place where harmony existed in relationships of all kinds and where instead of judging each other for our foibles, refusing to forgive each other for our flailings through stress and struggle, we instead saw the best in each other and were drawn to each other because of that best. What if we actually chose to believe in each other like that?

This week I had two experiences that really impressed this harmonious picture upon me. The first was gathering with some of my friends to discuss the topic of peace and realizing that peace would be that place where there just was no conflict. We discussed our own relationships and in so doing realized that if we could just place ourselves so fully in God's hands, we would come to know peace. We wouldn't worry what others thought of us, how we were going to pay the bills, whether our children would be safe in their travels or if they would make the right decisions for their lives, we would simply allow God to take care of it.

The second experience was being trained in the most amazing assessment tool I've ever experienced! It was created by PDPWorks and it is called ProScan. It enables you to understand people in remarkable ways with about six minutes worth of information! What impresses me most of all about this assessment is that it enables me to understand the people around me--not by judging them as right or wrong--not by seeing myself as better than or less than they--but by acknowledging the remarkable and varied ways that God has created each of us. The Scripture says that "we are fearfully and wonderfully made!" If we could just look at each other with the kind of love that enabled us to see that, what an amazing lifestyle we would have! What transformation we would know!

I realize such an imaginary place as I have painted here is a pipe dream. Yet, it is not an impossibility for us to strive for it. I think there is a simple equation to achieving it. First, we must catch the vision for it. Second, acknowledge that we ourselves are "fearfully and wonderfully made!" Third, move beyond ourselves to offer grace to others. Fourth, make a concerted choice to choose love. Somewhere in the mix I have to believe that we can find glimpses of peace.

I know not what is occurring in your life these days, but I hope that you can join me in striving to find peace and know that I am extending love to you each of you who are "fearfully and wonderfully made!" May we celebrate that fact in each other this day! Amen and amen.

Awareness

She walked into the conference room for our appointment with tears streaming down her face. Just 20 minutes prior she had learned that her roommate had been flirting with her best friend (a male) via Facebook. The best friend had called to tell her about it and she had witnessed on Facebook how he had flirted back. Normally this would not have bothered her but she and the best friend had decided only the weekend prior to begin dating. Now she felt that she had to compete for his attention. In the hunt that is the dating game, she had just shifted from the one empowered to choose to the one struggling to be chosen.

I found myself thinking that this was a little absurd. Here was this strong young woman who was letting something--a little drama--get her bent out of sorts. Why could she just not let it go? We talked about her best friend's perspective and how we always have a choice to let others actions control our emotions.

There is a scripture in the book of Matthew 7:3-5 that reads: Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye!"

"You hypocrite," said the voice in my mind's eye at 3:30 am the day following the story of the girl and her best friend. I sat straight up in bed!

You see, five months ago an amazing man walked into my life. I found him to be a kindred spirit--one who seems to get me somehow and one who believes in me in a way that no one else has ever seemed to by my interpretation. What a gift of friendship he has offered me! I longed to date him (and truthfully still do :)) but he has a girlfriend. He made it clear to me that he hoped we would develop a friendship and who knew what would become of that. Immediately, instead of really hearing him this awful switch went off in me. My competition button had clicked on and I was out to compete against this girlfriend to win him. I, too, had gone from being the chooser to longing to be the chosen one with that little flip of a switch. The outcome was what I view in hindsight as a display of insecurity. It was a display of emotion totally contrary to the strong and confident woman that most of you know me to be. I was flailing. I chalked it up to stress. I was after all building a new business, living with my parents and using up my savings left and right. Who wouldn't be stressed right?

And then I realized that the very thing I had thought so absurd in the young girl's story was the very thing that I was doing. I was allowing myself to be driven by events and circumstances outside of myself and beyond my control. Instead of choosing to be the strong, joyful, confident woman that I am, I chose to want something that was not mine and to try to possess another being. I realized that it was time to wake up! It was time to gain awareness. It was time to realize that I had a choice to simply accept whatever comes my way in life and trust that it is as it should be, that God is at work for our best at all times. If I could just practice that lesson, I would know peace and ultimately that seems to be what matters.

I tell you this story of my friend knowing that I run the risk that when he reads this he could push me permanently from his life. I hope for a different outcome. I hope for grace on his part and the understanding that in those first months of our friendship he has gotten to know my worst side and now I hope that he will have the patience to stick out this friendship, to be open to whatever God may intend and to get to know the best of me.

I tell you this story as a confessional moment of lesson learning that has and is bringing me to awareness.

I tell you this story in hopes that when you find yourself being tossed about by emotions elicited from the actions of others or your own for that matter, that you will stop and remember that you always have the opportunity to choose a higher and better way of being. The opportunity for us to claim love, joy and peace is always just before us. We just have to be aware enough to choose it. I hope that for you! I hope that for us all! Amen.