love and marriage

January 30, 2008

Ephesians 5:21-6:4


Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—this is the first commandment with a promise: “so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

I stood there in my maid of honor position as bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding and listened to the minister read these words of scripture with baited breath. My thoughts went something like this, “He could go one of two ways here and if he goes the way I fear, I’m going to freak out listening to this guy!”

This passage is tricky because we don’t know where the division of the paragraph is really supposed to come and if you attach verse 21 to the previous section (pericope) it offers a different connotation than if it is attached with the latter pericope. Verse 21 itself has no verb in it in the Greek so the best understanding is that it was meant to say, “Subject yourselves” and that by that intention it also meant that husbands should subject themselves as well. The idea was to communicate the value of voluntary submission and an understanding that as husband and wife, a couple was to leave their families and submit themselves to each other so as to become one.

Because there were Christians who devalued marriage and the body but placed much more concern on an ascetic lifestyle, the author saw the need to speak to one’s own body. He encourages them to understand that the ascetic would take good care of self and spirit. Marriage is a chance to value someone else as much as we would ourselves. That said, there must also be a parallel with the spiritual.

If we could understand that Christ loved the church so much that he was willing to give his own life so that she--the church could flourish, why can we not love each other with that same sort of love? This is a call for how we interact with each other in marriage, with our children and though the scripture doesn’t go to this extent the whole of the gospel does—why should we not love all others with that same love?

The minister got to that same point in his wedding homily and I breathed a sigh of relief. At least our understanding was the same. Now can our actions follow suit? That remains the perpetual question. As we seek to answer it for ourselves, know that I love you! Amen.